6th June – 9th June 2024
The flatlands and benign rolling plains of Poland finally gave way to hills as we reached our final stop in this suprising country, the tourist town of Zakopane. Located in the very south, it is nestled in the shadow of the Tatra Mountains and is a popular hub for walkers in the summer and skiers in the winter. No doubt that this tourit town is busy with weekenders all year round as it is it an easy 2 hour drive, or 3 hour train ride, from Kraków and has about a bazillion eateries, bars, shops and lots of entertainment activities. We were still slightly ahead of the summer crowds so easily found a spot at one of the campsites on the edge of town and it was an effortless cycle down to the main pedestrian area in the centre. Again this place was awash with groups of school children who were maurauding around the tat shops and icecream stalls. Some enterprising street seller had managed to sell high quanties of annoying bird whistles to one group, thus maximising the noise levels of the sugared-up darlings and completely wiping out any residual mental health of their teachers, not to mention everyone else on the street.
We bought a hiking map and scurried home ready for a day in the hills the next day. The weather forecast wasn’t great, with rain and cloud expected in the morning but we pushed on regardless, packed the wet-weather gear, a picnic and headed off at about 10.30am. Our plan was to cycle the 3km up to the gondola base-station, ride the gondola to the top of the mountain and then hike back down. A bit of a cheat’s walk, or so we thought….
At the top of the gondola it was cloudy, wet and windy. All the warm clothes and coats went on and we faffed about for a bit hunting out the (actually quite well signposted) route down. Here at the top is the border with Slovakia, indicated with a bollard. We did the required thing of having a photo taken with a foot in each country and then started heading down hill.
Down, down,down, down, down, down. The weather soon improved, the layers came off and the scenery was beautiful, but the ‘path’ underfoot was harsh. More like small stepping stones than a formed route it required eyes down at all times and soon had the legs crying for mercy. The ‘proper hikers’, climbing up hill, sweaty and breathless, planning to get the gondola back down, might be forgiven for thinking that we were in less pain than them, but they would be wrong. It was brutal on the knees and calves. It took us three hours to get back to the base station and we were very pleased to see our bikes. It was still a great day, but when we got home and after a short rest, we cycled back to town and I purchased a pair of walking poles from one of the many ‘outdoor stuff’ shops. I had been thinking of getting some for a while and the day’s uneven terrain spurred me into action. They shall be henceforth known as the Walking Polskis, obviously.
The next day the sun reappeared and we had plans to do another walk. There was a loop from our campsite which headed up a gentle valley, over a saddle, then down the valley on the other side. It looked far less taxing than the mountain of yesterday. HAHAHAHA. Less taxing if our legs weren’t weak and whimpering for mercy after yesterday’s efforts. Paracetamol, brunch and some limbering up helped slightly, so we boxed on. Our route was quite a popular one, so there was a bit of human traffic, especially on the pleasant, mildy inclined valley sections. The saddle section was a b*&tch! Another offering of large stone steps up and down, hard on the legs and balance, even with my new Polskis. We endured and there might have been some swearing, but of course we had a marvellous time, and rewarded ourselves with icecreams once we had returned to civilisation. The next day the legs weren’t wimpering, they were screaming and for 48 hours we could do nothing ‘leg-orientated’ without involuntary outbursts of ripe language and sobbing. Even turning over in bed was difficult.
It was time to leave Zakopane, and Poland, and with no food in the house and with our sore legs we unsucessfully hunted for a supermarket on the way out of town (main one closed for refurbishment, others down odd one-way streets or with height restrictions/no parking), bought some diesel and LPG with cash to try and get rid of our remaining złoty and headed the short distance along hilly back roads towards Slovakia. With about £20 worth of cash to get rid of we kept our eye open for a shop or eatery as the border quickly grew ever closer and we became ever hungrier. A desperate foray into the last seemingly deserted Polish village on our route brought us to a small pizzeria/grill/bar with a nice big car park. It was just opening up as we arrived at 12pm and it felt like discovering an oasis in the desert. The manager was from Czechia and had met his Polish wife whist working in the UK. His English was excellent. We ordered a couple of breaded & deep-fried, ham & cheese-stuffed pork roll things served with chips and salad, and two coke zeros. ‘Breakfast’ of champions. Our bill, rather embarrassingly, was 2 zł (about 40p) more than the sorry pile of small notes and change that I emptied out of my wallet. We offered to pay the extra in Euros or only have one Coke, but he wouldn’t hear of it. The shame!
The place seemed to function as the local hostelry for the gentlemen of the village, as the two chaps that were there as we arrived were incrementally joined by about seven or eight others. There were convivial handshakes all round with each arrival and civilised imbibing of half-pints of pilsner. All were well turned out and, given that it was Sunday, had the air of a bunch of men given an ‘after-church-pub-pass’ by their wives to go and hang out with their mates from the village for an hour before lunch. After our meal, which was unusual yet delicious, we headed off, now more than adequately fuelled to continue our journey into Slovakia. Just as well we had dealt with our developing ‘hanger’ as I overruled the satnav (which to be fair, is occasionally awful at both the ‘sat’ and ‘nav’ parts of its duties) and sent us down a road that was going the right way, but then indicated a height restriction. This was technically about 10cm taller than we are, but it was not obvious whether this was a bridge or a tunnel, or what our ongoing options for turning around would be. So we bottled it and back-tracked, I ate humble pie -begrudgingly, of course- and we finally entered Slovakia.
Despite our ongoing searing lower limb pain, we had really enjoyed our days in the mountains and it had been a great final stop in Poland. We had had chance to reflect on our time here and the impression this country had made on us. These are our main thoughts:
- Compared to the UK, Poland is quite big, quite flat, quite rural and quite quiet. Its population of about 36 million people, about half that of the UK, has about 25% more land area than the UK. Compared to NZ, Poland is quite big and quite flat.
- Poland is very clean and well tended. We saw almost no litter and the homes and public areas all were tidy and well cared for. One day I even saw a council worker wiping bird poop off park benches. They are not big on mowing grass, however, and there are lots of ‘meadows for the pollinators’. It would drive my lawn-mowing enthusiast father insane!
- Poland has great main roads and motorways. Some side roads are awful.
- Poland loves block paving and will, if it can, seemingly block pave everything. They are very good at it and it looks great.
- The Polish diet is vegetable light.
- The Polish diet is pork and potato heavy.
- The language is bonkers but most people will make a good bash at speaking English if you ask nicely. They also have funny money.
- A lot of Polish people seem quite reserved and have ‘resting grumpy faces’, choosing not to engage with spontaneous eye contact or a smile unless forced to by a pair of weird tourists who gaily confront all passing strangers with a jolly ‘Dzień dobry!’ at every opportunity. They will mostly reply.
- Most Polish men between the ages of 18 and 80 look like they could easily kill you. They are lean, with buzz-cut hair, clean shaven, cold-eyed and all look like they are home on leave from military service, or used to do military service, or wished they were doing military service. May it be noted that none of them made any moves to kill us at all. They were quite nice.
- A Polish winter may best be avoided, but we sure can recommend visiting this amazing country in late spring.